I am having a bad day today, and that is the easy way to say it.  I am struggling today with everything.  I love listening to podcasts, and now want to podcast and love doing it, but I am not sure what to do.  I feel alone in this world.  It is crazy and a terrible place to be.

I have been told before that I could not be depressed because I have made plans and done things, but that is from a person who I don't believe understands depression.  I have some great days, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere it all goes down hill for a couple of days.  I am struggling these days and I hope that it starts getting easier sooner rather than later.

I have a very hard time because I feel that my husband does not care about my feelings at times; I feel that my kids are against me.  I know that because of recent events I have a clarity of who my friends are, and I was very mistaken as to what I had thought.  It saddens my soul to be so wrong.

I am feeling pressure to potty train because captain T is now 3 1/2 and should be out of diapers, but I don't have the mindset to be able to do that.  I know in my heart that there will be accidents, but I just don't know how to handle them.  I get so angry.  I know he can do it.  I know he is ready and he just won't do it and it makes me sad.

I have so many emotions that are there and it makes me so sad to have them.  I want to get out of it, the only way that I know how to do it, I can't bring myself to do it.  I need to start working out and eating well, here is the issue I am facing.  I can't take my boys to the Y because Captain T will not stay in the childrens room, he cries and cries.  I need to go in the morning for me to feel the effects.  By the end of the day my stress level is so high that I just can not bring myself to go, so I find every reason that I can not go, and I don't go.  I am fighting a loosing battle and it is starting to get really hard and I just don't know what to do about it. 

I see how it is effecting my boys and it is making me sad, but I just don't know how to stop this downward spiral and make it better.